Bonus Eventus
(god of happy endings)

He washes your windshield for a quarter
whether you like it or not
He relieves himself on the Torch of Freedom
just to prove a point
then he wraps himself up in the obituaries
to rest

Bonus Eventus was the god of happy endings
once the toast of the town
once every child’s friend
now he lives on the streets
under the overpass in a cardboard box

hungry and ruined he snaps at gawkers
and waits for red lights and train whistles
just to make some bread

inside his head Armageddon repeats itself
every fifteen minutes
relentless spirits claw his soul
ogres beat him with nightsticks
dragons rape him nightly
evil witches cast their curses
with no fear of retribution
they steal his thunder cold

Bonus Eventus was the god of happy endings
he used to make cameo appearances
at the end of every fairy tale
just to wrap things up with a smile
to throw in a moral or two

but now he doesn’t show up at all
he can’t even make the bus fare

When he knocks on your car window you lock the door
you avoid his eyes
and when the light changes you leave him behind
in a cloud of smoke
so you can breathe easy
but as you step on the gas you glance in the rearview mirror
and he’s still watching you
he grows smaller by the moment
soon to be forgotten

but he will always remember you
with those fairy tales on your lap
when you looked forward to seeing him

a million years ago

See Howard Camner’s Web site at